Dear Reluctant Runners,
I’ve got a race coming up. Any advice?
Thanks,
Walt
___
Walt,
Great timing on that question. Just yesterday, we ran the Peachtree Road Race – the largest 10K in the world. While running with 60,000 people, we couldn’t help but notice a few different types of runners you should avoid being at all costs.
Run the Course Again Guy – There’s no one I’ve ever wanted to punch more than the guy who has finished the race and decides to casually jog back to the starting line, race bag in tow and yelling “you can do it!” to all of us amateurs.
The Near-Nudes – If your running shorts would disappear underneath a pair of briefs, please don’t wear them on race day. And ladies, sometimes the decision to go sports-bra-only is a decision that might need to be revisited.
Wears the Race Shirt to the Race Guy – A lot of races give out the race shirts beforehand. You’re going to be tempted to wear it on race day, but I beg you – please don’t. It’s the same thing as wearing a band’s shirt to their concert. (NOTE: We waited until after the race to put those shirts on)
The Camelbacker – Is the every-mile water station not enough for you? Must you have a continual stream of water flowing down your esophagus in order to put one foot in front of the other? I don’t get you.
Ironic Costume Guy – This guy is waaay more excited about his costume than anyone else. I guarantee he’ll be feeling a lot less pumped about this idea at mile 5 than he was at the start of the race (am I right, guy we saw yesterday dressed as Uncle Sam and dribbling a basketball the entire race?).
Hope that helps.
Sincerely,
Tripp and Tyler
PS – If you sign up to be a race volunteer, remember that you’re a race volunteer – not a police man.
Any race-day runners we left off the list?
If you run a 9-minute mile, don’t try to start out near the front. Faster runners with loathe your existence after dodging traffic for the first mile.
9-minute mile? That’s blazing fast.
Greased lighting. And I share the costumes sentiment. Although, in my first 15k, I was passed and beaten by a guy wearing a cow outfit and Forrest Gump.
That’s what I thought!
Incredibly Fast 8 year old – Look, I know I’m slow and out of shape, so I don’t need to be reminded of that by someone who is younger than twitter.
Stroller Guy – is your infant consuming enough post run carbs and proteins to really get the full benefit of your race-pace tempo run? Probably not.
Double Stroller Guy – You’ve effectively turned running into a resistance sport.
Triple Stroller Guy – Get some turn signals, man. And please pass me on the left.
“someone who is younger than twitter” – genius line.
On my 10K, I didn’t care where I finished, as long as I beat those slow younger than twitter group of kids across the finish line.
Fantastic Advice! What’s worse than the Run the Course Again Guy? The same guy after a half marathon! And I have no idea how SpongeBob Squarepants beat anyone across the finish line for the same race! Love the site, even if I honestly haven’t run in more than a year…gotta get on that!
Talks to loudly to the guy next them guy – I don’t want to hear about how you struggled in your last race with hemorrhoids.
Passes gas with each step guy – you end up doing a Olympic qualifying pace to pass him.
Talks incessantly about how good he feels guy – I don’t care how you feel when I feel like crud.
Sweats profusely, cannot catch his breath, seems like he’s going to die guy. – wait that’s me.
Good ones!
first of all…love the website
second…i think you also have to address medal wearers. if you wanna keep your medal on to grab breakfast after the race, i get it. But after race day, its time to put that thing in a drawer. when i ran chicago, i got on a plane the next day to come home and in the very front row of the airplane was a couple wearing their matching race tshirts, race hats and proudly sporting their finishers medals around their necks. im pretty sure they bought first class tickets just so everyone on the plane would be aware of their marathon finish.
hahahahaha. love it.
Yes, but more power to the guy who ran the race in a suit with the sign “taking care of business” on him. I’m pretty sure he beat me. Which is, you know, both impressive and sad all rolled into one.
I thought this was the website for me, but guess not since I do several of the aforementioned no-no’s. Except for the camelback. And the sports bra only look. But I’m so slow that most of you are at home throwing your medal into a drawer and taking a nap by the time I see the finish line, so I’ve escaped your scrutiny. By the way, some people are so happy they finished at all, they’ll probably have their medal on for a week. It’s their way of proclaiming a miracle. Just look the other way and let them relish their victory.
You wear that medal proudly.
Even though we make fun of things here, there are plenty of things we all do that are worthy of ridicule.
Along the lines of the camelback, wearing full fuel belts or doing goos on races under half-marathon.
I agree anything half marathon and over you get the freedom to use on or not. I’ve heard a lot complaining about people who use fuel belts in marathons. I do it, and purely because I prefer to pace my fluid intake and not be thirsty – I learned my lesson running a half in Oklahoma – always bring fluids.
There is also the “Motivate Everyone with My Music” guy, also known as “Forgot my headphones, but still want my music” guy. Enough said.
Tyler, sweet facial expression in that picture. Penny for your thoughts.
Guy who is clearly looking for a date – you are in a event that is timed – but this is not to be confused with your weekly speed dating meet up. We see you run up to women with your horrible first line of “is this your first race?” Stop. You are embarrassing all guys.
Don’t forget about, “Run / Walk / Sprint Guy.”
This guy (or girl) loves to alternate between running, walking and sprinting during a race. Their m.o. is to sprint or run really fast past you, then decide they’re done and want to walk. Then as you pass them and get a nice lead, they like to repeat this cycle all over again, only to stop running and start walking right in front of you, so that you almost run into the back of them.
You sir or madame are my race-day nemesis and make me want to take you out from behind.
I couldn’t agree more. I was going to post the same thing. I thought about tripping that guy when he ran past me the fourth time.
I had a few of those yesterday at the White Rock Marathon.
If you can’t run a half marathon or a marathon, do what I did; I can’t run that far either so I joined a RELAY team…
I like the idea of taking them out from behind. Thoughts on how to do it so that you can get away with it?
:-/
My race day favorites are “Create Your Own Course” Guy AKA “Big Fat Cheater” and “My Bladder is Too Small to Make it to the Port-a-Potty that is Every Other Mile so I’ll Just Squat and Urinate in This Person’s Front Yard” Girl.
I want to trip the guy BEHIND me constantly checking his Garmin telling everyone that his pace is too slow. Sooooorrrry! *jeez
The one I noticed yesterday was the “bob and weave” guy- every chance he gets to go between and through everyone he takes it. This runners pace seemed to be more like a Plinko chip. Very unpredictable and likely wears the body glide to prevent chaffing with other runners he so closely “bobs and weaves” through. This runner probably turns his 10k into a 12+k with all of his unnecessary jostling.
Don’t get me wrong, a race with that many people requires some negotiating but this guy is over the top with his slippery ninja moves. I also don’t like this guy because he has a good chance of touching me. I don’t want to be touched by him. The only touching I’m comfortable with on race day is a high five; no rubbage, pats on my cheeks or congratulatory embraces…please.
Ms. Stomp-Your-Hooves & Mouth-Breathes-Like-a-Fat-Kid-Chasing-Cake: you’re making me tired just listening to you. Please quit tailing me, as I’m tempted to put on sudden brakes for comedic relief. They should make a lane for that- like the whole right side of the course.
That made me laugh so hard!! I’ve always said I don’t run in races because I feel like a rhinoceros when I run. :)
There’s always the Sudden Stop guy. That guy who stops to walk all of a sudden without see if there’s someone behind him. Sorry if I ran into you when you suddenly stopped.
race crashers. i worked hard to qualify for my little C group–if you can’t get a decent enough time to run with the earlier groups then you don’t need to be running with the earlier groups. jumping in at piedmont avenue is CHEATING. grrr. just look through your marathon foto proofs and i bet you’ll see “runners” are sporting race numbers over halfway down the alphabet from you )and who aren’t sweaty) puffing along next to you. there’s a large and in-charge section S person in the pics with me coming up cardiac hill. her group had not even STARTED at that point in real time. so annoying. bandits are annoying, too.
How about talking on his cellphone guy? This dude is buying and selling stock and making travel plans while running with thousands of people around. And where does he put that thing when he’s done with it?
I would venture to say never wear an event shirt to the actual event…
How about left lane walkers? Move over to the right THEN start walking. I was nice for the first 10 minutes then I just started plowing into them.
Sorry to comment on such an old post but I beg to differ on the subject of wearing the race shirt to the race.
At the actual race is the ONLY acceptable time and place to wear the race shirt. After the race you should change as soon as possible and throw the race shirt away or put it in the back of the closet and never ever wear it again!
You also should not pose for pictures while wearing the race shirt…
In my first 12k (Christmas run- get it 12k’s of Christmas- yeah, it made me ill to think about it too), I got passed by my wife and her friend around the 10k mark in their Christmas elf costumes. That was bad. The fact that her friend was 6 months pregnant made me want to drown some of the animals that the race event was organized to save.
One day you will grow up and realize that when it comes to running, function is more important than form. Short shorts with built in underwear are as comfortable as it gets and they don’t restrict motion like longer shorts. You’re an adult; you shouldn’t be embarrassed that your legs go above your knees.
The guy who uses me as his pace car. He stays poised on my left shoulder for the first 9.7K of a 10K race. Then he blows by me at the end and gives me a smug look when I cross the finish line. I can’t shake him off. If I slow down or speed up, he’s right with me. Hey, I can hear you breathing.